I think when all is said in done though, this will be healthy for me. I was so consumed with how little I could weigh having been previously over weight that the forced shift in focus on lean muscle and not small scale numbers is the healthiest gift I have learned over the year. Instead of celebrating another pound lost, I celebrate physical milestones like how many push ups I can do, or that I've been able to lunge for 30 minutes straight without pause; how wide set pull ups are slowly becoming easier and someday soon I will finally be able to do a muscle up.
My palms get sweaty when I think about the show. I am not nervous because I don't think I can do it, because I can and I will, but more so to do all I can do - train and eat how I should - but be told yet again that my body just isn't ready. It's an emotionally exhausting process and hard to swallow when your body just can't support a cut cycle yet. What do I do this time around if July nears and this stubborn body of mine, specifically my rear, still hasn't made the gains it needs to walk the stage and win? But then again, when I think about above said, I find the irony. I've spent the last 3 years of my life changing my body and outlook and as such, formed a pretty amazing metabolism. Now my problem - which isn't a problem truly - is that I get lean too fast at the expense of my muscle. So I try to remember that when I get down and out about the length of this process.
In the meantime I have directed all of my attention into my clients at the gym, building my personal business inside of Steve Nash and expanding my knowledge with my amazing trainer, coach and friend.
When I get down and out about this seemingly never ending process, which can sometimes be more often then I like to let on, I always listen to or watch this video. It is the best motivation for me, hands down, every time without fail.
I'd like to share it so that anyone in my position can relate.
Our demons and our dreams are both hungry, careful which ones you feed.